Now, I don't usually read the New Yorker because I fancy myself a bit more Brooklyn than that, but this piece mocking the life of a food co-op member by Joe Wadlington (writing from San Fransisco) made me chuckle into my coffee.
Below were my favorite faux orientation bullets.
—Green Life is committed to fresh, organic produce that comes to us every hour, on the hour, in rickshaws from local farms. (If dirt is not on your fruits and vegetables, feel welcome to dip them in our soil troughs after checkout.)
—Our community offers everything you might require for a healthy, happy, and environmentally sensitive life. Hence, we call the items we carry “needs” or “gifts,” as opposed to “products.”
—If there is something that you feel you desire, but we do not carry it, we support you in reëvaluating your personal definition of “needs” and “wants.”
—“Why I Wanted More for Myself” pamphlets are available for those Stewards having trouble explaining the membership fees to their parents.
Too true?! Too soon?! Too much?!
Josh Cook
CEO & Co-founder
Nextdoorganics
nextdoorganics.com
Photo by Marta Iwanek / Toronto Star via Getty